Dear Neil: I am a 40 year-old man, adopted by a depressed and lonely Mom and an emotionally absent, abusive Dad. I have had self esteem issues my whole life, trouble with feeling worthy of love and petrified of being abandoned. I have a strong need to live in a close, trusting relationship, but I fear getting abandoned or rejected if I let someone in too close, so I leave women before they can reject or leave me first. Can you offer me any assistance? Dear Adopted:
Adoptees and the Double Standard
Love Through the Eyes of An Adoptee, by Becky Mathis-Stump - Michelle Madrid-Branch
Be clear in the knowledge that without them, you would not be who you are today. Which likely explains why I cried and had stomach aches basically every day in first grade. I was afraid that my adoptive parents might love me that much too. As I got older, I started registering the comments a bit differently. I was able to parse them intellectually, but my emotional understanding was still limited at best. So, I developed a few close friendships, but allowed most people to leave my life easily. And I had a few romantic relationships, but sabotaged many of them when things got too serious.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, Adoptees' Worst Fear Will Likely Come True
Dear Neil: I am a year-old adopted male. I have three failed marriages. This affects all of my relationships. When I vocalize my feelings, the fear of being judged keeps me from pursuing any depth conversation on the subject.
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